Lost in Translation: Why Military Spouses Deserve Their Own Chapter in Military History

I like this photo, it is from our tour in Hong Kong. [MAB]

Not Your Typical Military Reading List

People often ask, “Before you started this history project, what did you read—as a military spouse, not in uniform yourself?”

Well, my bookshelf was less of a “military library” and more of an “eclectic wildflower garden.” History books stood at attention—women’s, military, Russian, and Asian history side by side. A row of children’s books for my daughter lined the lower shelves. Anne Rice’s moody vampires and sultry witches, Harry Potter’s magical portkeys, and Janet Evanovich’s quick wit shared space with Suzanne Collins’s dystopias— all ready to whisk me away when I needed an escape.

What didn't you find on my bookshelf? Military spouse handbooks, guidebooks, cookbooks with titles like How to Feed 30 People with Two Cans of Beans. Sure, I thumbed through the ones gifted to me, and many were highly recommended—but they never floated my boat. Not because I thought I was above them, but because the stories didn’t reflect my life—or the lives of my friends.

(Until I read Campfollower, and my perspective shifted.)

Why the Spouse Books Didn’t Fit

When I searched for relatable voices early in my military life, nothing quite resonated. Many were written by officer spouses—which I wasn’t—or by people who hadn’t moved (PCS) as often as I had, even if they’d weathered their own deployment storms. The enlisted spouse I knew didn’t match my reality either. Sure, there were similarities—you know, the “same same, but different”—but nothing felt like my story. I don’t think I’m a unicorn or special; I was a known factor in the military—a military spouse who was always present—but being obvious doesn’t always mean being understood.

And here’s the kicker: I’m an Air Force wife and a USAF veteran. The transition from wearing the uniform to not wearing one... completely changed my journey– Different plane, different crew.

Same Ocean, Different Boats (and Aircraft)

  (ok, not to be cheesy, but the metaphor works.)

Same Ocean, Different Boats (and Aircraft) [Created by Homefront Archives.]

Being a military spouse is like sharing the same ocean while piloting wildly different vessels—or aircraft. Some are steady cruise liners; others, tugboats muscling through waves. Some paddle a solo canoe with one oar and a questionable life jacket. Some have been trained to navigate the water and the air better than others, and some can fake it better than others. Some have large support systems, while others have only themselves—and maybe a dog or cat. And some are simply alone and stuck.

Military spouses have long played vital roles in the defense community, yet their contributions are rarely documented or acknowledged. They deserve their own chapter in military history—not just for recognition, but to influence how we teach, honor, and create policies related to military missions and life. By including their roles, stories, and contributions, we can improve public understanding, enrich educational and leadership programs, and ensure policies accurately reflect the realities of military life.

All military spouses face the same weather—but the experience feels different depending on the crew, the vessel, the information they have, the rank, the support system—and who’s standing beside them.

It’s not better or worse—just different. We each weather our own storms, find our own ports of call—and that’s what makes our stories worth telling. Yet I never found a book, poem, or memoir that truly resonated—and that frustration lingered.

I Steppped Away to See Clearly (and check my bias)

Stepping away from the military machine after retirement gave me room to hear my own voice again—away from the noise, expectations, pressures, and politics. It let me take stock of what I gave, what I gained, what I lost, and what I learned—and to see what others did that I hadn’t, or what I was simply unaware of. That clarity is my compass now, guiding me to listen, dig deeper, preserve stories, and ask the questions that matter.

My Present-Day Landscape

My Present-Day Bookshelf

These days, I read whatever military spouse materials I can find for research. I still haven’t found a book that would have helped me back then. But new voices are emerging—through blogs, podcasts, and YouTube—offering encouragement, hard truths, and, occasionally, there are still those who are unhelpful and bitter, which chips away at the community rather than strengthening it.

The Table, the Nameplate, and the Water Pitcher

The military loves to talk about “inclusion,” but let’s be honest—that table is often more stage prop than strategy. Spouses get a nameplate, a few polite questions, coffee or tea, maybe a snack. Pens scribble, phones tap, heads nod, and the water pitcher circulates like clockwork. For a while, it feels like you’re being heard—like your voice might actually matter. But eventually, you realize that because of time, manning and money, nothing ever comes from the meeting. The real decisions happen somewhere else, leaving the “included” sipping their tea, wondering if they even need that nameplate or childcare.

There will be people who disagree, who argue that inclusion works differently for them—but

I can only speak from my own experience, the stories others have shared with me, and the historical research I’ve studied.

Rank—still matters more than advocacy. It’s time to change that. Spouses aren’t just supporters; they’re part of the base, part of the mission, and often the glue that holds the community together. Many bring more than smiles, small talk, and cheeky comebacks—they bring strategy, leadership, and vision.

A Little Turbulence for Perspective

My comment about “optics” might ruffle some feathers—fasten your seatbelts—but turbulence can provide perspective. Some will say, “Things have changed; it’s not like that anymore.” After four years of retirement, I’ll gently disagree: the structure hasn’t changed much; it just gets a fresh coat of paint every few years.

Over more than 20 years, I’ve watched programs launch with fanfare—bells, whistles, and photo ops—only to quietly collapse, their cracks covered by a metaphorical military band-aid. The cycle repeats because military spouses rarely study their own history. We don’t often read the stories of other spouses (me included); we skim military histories and reports, cherry-pick the condensed versions, and often skip the footnotes and margins that actually include us.

If the military wants a stronger community, higher morale, and better recruitment, it needs to remember one thing: military spouses aren’t just passive cheerleaders on the sidelines—they’re stakeholders, and it’s time they’re treated like it.

Military spouses navigate their own vessels through the same military storms, logging their own missions and milestones. It’s time their chapter isn’t just read—it’s written into the logbook

of military history, in bold ink.

My Journey, My Experiences [MAB]

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